


Pieces of My Heart

by supremesapphic



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Addek with a Kid, F/M, Fanon Typical Post-Divorce Clownery, Fluff, Light Angst, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremesapphic/pseuds/supremesapphic
Summary: 4x14: Addison returns to Seattle for a case, bringing her daughter along with her so she can spend the weekend with Derek. It would be just fine if only her feelings didn’t keep getting in the way.[Alternatively, divorced Addek with a daughter]
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Derek Shepherd
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	Pieces of My Heart

“Derek.” Addison says as soon as she hears the call get picked up. “Are you busy?”

“Addison, hi. I’ve got a few minutes. Is anything wrong? Are you and Lila alright?” Derek responds, sounding a little breathless. Based on the background noises Addison can tell he’s walking—no, jogging down the hall somewhere in the hospital. 

“Yes. We’re fine. I just wanted to know if you wanted Lila for the weekend?”

“Hmm? You know I can’t fly down.” He says, preoccupied. She can hear the clatter of charts and case files being organized on the other line. He was probably at a nurses station now, filling out charts or post-ops or something to that effect.

“I’m flying up there. Friday.” She explains. “Richard called me about a case and I could get it done and be back in LA before the day’s over but I realized you haven’t seen her since we moved down here. Obviously if you don’t want to I can just—“

“Addie.” He cuts her off. The use of her nickname stings. Things hadn’t exactly been easy, having a baby and then getting a divorce and then moving to LA alone with said baby, but so far Addison had been doing just fine. She and Derek had been just fine. He let her have primary custody just as long as he had unlimited visitation rights, which she had no problem with. Derek was an amazing father, and Addison had missed having him available to help out after she moved to LA. “Yeah, I’d be glad to have her for the weekend.”

“Great.” Addison smiles. He could call her Satan behind her back all he wanted, but she would never keep him from his daughter. “She misses you.” 

‘I miss you’ goes unsaid. ( _ On both ends.) _

\- 

“Dada!” A tiny voice exclaims as Derek Shepherd feels a tiny body collide with his leg. “Miss you!” 

“Hey, Peanut. I missed you too.” Derek grins at his daughter, leaning down to pick her up. Meredith smiles awkwardly, their conversation having been interrupted by Lila’s arrival. Lila pays her no mind. She hadn’t exactly bonded with the little girl, not that Addison had wanted her to.

_ [ flashback ] _

_ “I don’t want your dirty mistress near my daughter.” Addison informs him as they wait for their lawyers to arrive so they could sign the divorce papers. Derek rolls his eyes. _

_ “Like it or not Addison, she’s my girlfriend. She’s going to see her when she stays with me.” Derek informs her. “She’s going to be a part of Lila’s life. Don’t make me fight you for custody over this.” _

_ “Fine,” Addison glares at him for dangling the idea of a custody battle over her head as leverage. They’d thankfully avoided one when Derek agreed to let her have primary custody as long as he could visit. It’s not like his trailer was fit for raising a child anyway. “How about this... you keep her away from Lila when she’s with you. If you two make it together a year then you can introduce her as ‘Auntie Meredith’ or whatever.” _

_ “Fine.” Derek responds confidently with a smirk. _

_ [end flashback] _

It’s not like he expected them to break up less than six months after the divorce. Still, the blonde had never been comfortable around the toddler, especially considering she was the spitting image of her mother.  _ (Except for her eyes, she had Derek’s dreamy blue eyes and somehow that made it more painful.) _

“Hey Peanut, where’s Mommy?” Derek asks, knowing if Lila was here then Addison was surely nearby. The redhead hardly let the toddler out of her sight if she could help it.

“Hey.” Addison greets, a little breathless from trying to catch up with the hyperactive toddler. Derek notes that her hair is surprisingly darker. “She saw you and was so excited she ran off.” 

“Hey.” Meredith greets, trying to be polite. Addison smiles, greeting her in return and giving the blonde a hug, much to the surprise of everyone who witnessed it.  _ (Oh, the rumor mill was surely going to go crazy over this, Satan hugged Grey in front of McDreamy and McBaby.)  _

“Did you see that? I hugged you. You stole my husband and I hugged you.” Addison points out awkwardly, looking back and forth between the three of them. Derek’s not quite sure if she was putting on a front or trying to be a good example for their daughter. “See? I’ve grown.” 

“How’s LA?” Meredith asks politely.

“Good, sunny. Lila loves it.” Addison responds. She begins reaching for Lila as she speaks again. “So, um. I’ve got to get this little girl to the daycare before my briefing—“

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” Derek reassures her, readjusting his grip on the toddler.

“Are you sure?” Addison asks in surprise. “I don’t want to impose, you must be busy—“

“Addie,” Derek interrupts. There he goes again, using her nickname and making her poor heart skip a beat. Meredith pretends not to notice the nickname and averts her eyes elsewhere on the catwalk. “It’s really no problem. I’ll drop her off. Go to your briefing.”

“All right, thanks.” Addison smiles at him and leans in to give their daughter a kiss on the cheek. To a stranger they’d look like a normal happy family ( _ with a pesky resident standing too close for comfort _ .) “I’ll see you later Peanut, be good for Daddy!”

-

“Derek, I hugged her, hugged her! I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you’re not together anymore. What the hell happened?” Addison berates her ex-husband after they met up again at the catwalk later that day. After her briefing with Richard, Erica Hahn, and the other surgeons on her case, she spent her free time catching up with Bailey about what's happened since she’d left. Meredith and Derek’s breakup just so happened to come up in conversation. “Come on, you call me almost every night to say goodnight to Lila and I ask you how your days are and you didn’t think to mention it?” 

“It’s not important.” Derek says dismissively. He really didn’t want to talk to his ex-wife about his ex-girlfriend. Besides, those calls were to talk to his daughter, not to keep in touch with Addison.  _ (Or at least that’s what they both claim, and nobody believes them.)  _

Addison stares at him for a long moment, eyebrow raised, waiting for him to elaborate. She deserved an explanation, after all he’d thrown away their marriage and broken up their family over his mistress. The very least he could have done was tell her if the short-lived affair had made everything worth it. Derek stays silent and she sighs, shaking her head and deciding that switching topics would be a better choice than badgering him further. “Okay, tell me about your clinical trial.”

“Well, if it doesn’t go well then I’m killing people for sport.” He deadpans. Addison looks at him with concern, and he wants to hate how that look is enough to get him to open up. “When I walk into an OR I’m an expert, I can stop a bleed, remove a clot, I’m the expert. In a clinical trial I’m experimenting. I’m just... groping around in the dark, hoping to do the right thing.”

“She wants greatness from me.” He continues. Addison doesn’t have to ask who ‘she’ is. She hasn’t been the ‘she’ on his mind in a long time.  _ (Or so she thought.) _ “She’s expecting greatness.”

“Okay, seriously Derek.” Addison says, even more concerned now but trying to give him a reassuring smile. She knew how even the mightiest surgeons could crumble under the weight of expectations, Derek most of all. “What are you doing?”

“I’m seeing somebody else.” He deflects, hoping to get her off his back. Derek sees her smile falter at his words. They both knew she was still in love with him.  _ (But she didn’t know he still had feelings for her.) _ It wasn’t a secret, per se, but it was an elephant in the room they both refused to acknowledge. One that was so much easier to ignore via phone call and so much harder to deny face to face. So he chose to hurt her, again. To force her into moving on. Because it would be easier than getting back together. “She’s lovely. She’s really lovely.”

-

“I do miss some of this.” Addison admits later, to Richard while they’re standing by the nurses station and observing the babies in the NICU. It’s true, she hasn’t had as much surgical action since moving to LA.

“I could put the paperwork through tonight.” Richard offers. He was always an opportunist. “You could start work tomorrow.”

Addison glances between the Chief and the preemies. Richard had been the only one asking her not to leave in the first place. She needed to move on, and she couldn’t do that here in Seattle with Derek and Meredith and all those memories. Lila deserved better than to grow up haunted by her parents' mistakes. “I… needed to come back… to see that it was right to leave. You need to fill my position.” 

Their conversation is interrupted by Izzie Steves running by. “I was Gandhi, Dr. Montgomery, I was so Gandhi I kicked Gandhi’s ass!”

Addison chuckles, and explains to Richard, “It’s an LA thing.”

“Is it… easier for you over there?” Richard asks a few moments later.

“Easier? Maybe with work but personally…” She trails off. It was hard, the whole ‘being a single mom trying to date again’ thing. The ‘living in a new city alone for the first time’ thing. The ‘not seeing Derek or Mark every day for the first time in twelve (and then some) years’ thing. But then she remembers the past few months with Lila and the other things don’t weigh as heavily anymore. “I like having more time to spend with my daughter.” 

“I guess that makes it worth it then.” Richard concedes with a nod. 

-

Addison walks into the elevator behind Meredith, surprised to find Derek and Lila already inside. 

“Momma!” Lila greets, letting go of Derek’s hand to give Addison a hug. 

“Hi, Pea.” Addison smiles, rubbing her daughters back. She moves to stand at the back corner of the elevator, aware of the other two people inside. Lila grabs Addison’s hand, before reaching forward with her other hand to grasp Derek’s. The toddler smiles up at her parents mischievously. 

Before Addison or Derek could ask Lila what she was doing, another person slips into the elevator just before the doors close. Rose moves to stand in front of Addison, as Lila was taking up the space beside Derek. Derek looks behind him to send Meredith an awkward glance, the blonde pointedly looking at the floor. Addison, on the other hand, was looking at Rose from head to toe while the brunette stared ahead, not meeting any of their gazes.

The elevator dings on the next floor, opening to reveal Mark Sloan. The plastic surgeon takes one look at the occupants and chuckles, sending a wink in Lila’s direction as he steps inside. Derek is forced to move closer towards Addison (and Rose) because Lila refuses to let go of their hands. Mark moves to stand in front of Meredith, leaning in to whisper to Derek, “I bet you wish you’d taken the stairs right about now.” 

“Hi Unca Mark!” Lila chirps, leaning forward to be able to see her godfather. In spite of everything that’d transpired, Addison had managed to convince Derek to let Mark be Lila’s godfather. He was surprisingly great with her, and a willing babysitter whenever both Addison and Derek had gotten stuck at the hospital before Addison had left for LA. 

“Hey kiddo.” Mark responds, grinning at the toddler conspiratorially. “Nice work.” 

Lila grins, causing Addison and Derek to give each other concerned looks. Did Mark put Lila up to this?  _ (Surprisingly, he hadn’t) _

After what felt like an eternity, the elevator finally reaches the lobby. Rose practically sprinted out, Meredith following closely behind. Mark laughed at Derek’s girlfriends, before saying goodbye to the Montgomery-Shepherd family. This left Derek and Addison outside the elevator with Lila still clutching their hands. 

“Lila, say goodnight to Mommy.” Derek says gently. Lila looks up at him pleadingly, her bright blue eyes shining with tears. In the midst of his excitement to have her around, he’d also forgotten it’s probably been quite a while since she’d actually been apart from Addison longer than a few hours. They probably haven’t even spent a night apart since Derek’s last visit with Lila before they left for LA. 

Hesitantly, Lila lets go of their hands and hugs Addison tightly. The older redhead squats down so she can hug her daughter properly and rubs her back. “It’s okay sweetie, it’s just for two nights. You wanted to stay with Daddy, didn’t you?”

“Want you too.” Lila pouts, a fat tear rolling down her chubby cheek. Addison and Derek can both feel their resolve crack. There’s nothing a parent hates more than seeing their child cry, especially knowing they were the cause. Addison wipes the tear off Lila’s cheek.

“Lila, baby, I thought you wanted to spend time with Daddy?” She asks again, trying her best not to impose on her ex-husband. Derek stares sadly at the two of them. They’d both known the divorce wouldn’t be easy on Lila, but this was the first time they’d heard her ask for both of them at the same time.

“Both Momma and Dada.” Lila replies. “Stay both Momma and Dada.” 

Addison sighs, looking up at Derek for assistance. She can’t quite read the look on the neurosurgeon’s face. “Okay.”

“What?” Addison asks, surprise and confusion seeping into her voice. It wasn’t surprising that he’d agreed, they’d gone out as a family from time to time even after the divorce but it’d been restricted to parks and playgrounds in the mornings and afternoons, not evenings at the trailer.

“Mommy,” Derek says, talking to Lila. “Is welcome to eat dinner with us, does that sound alright?” 

“Until bed.” Lila argues. Both of her parents raise their eyebrows. Addison wonders whether she picked this up at the practice or daycare, because she had certainly not tried to negotiate with her before. 

“I—uh,” Derek stammers, looking to Addison for help. “It’s fine by me but—“

“Okay.” Addison cuts him off, turning to their daughter. “Mommy will stay until your bedtime.” 

Lila grins, holding out her arms so Addison can carry her. She hands Derek her bag before she lifts Lila up into her arms. The tiny redhead smiles and kisses her cheek. “Thank you, Momma.” 

Addison beams, and Derek can’t help but smile at the two of them. They looked adorable, especially because Lila was a mini-Addison. “Yeah, thanks Momma. You sure we’re not interrupting any plans for tonight?” 

“Not really.” Addison shrugs, heading towards the doors. “I’m supposed to meet Callie and Erica for drinks, I don’t think I’ll be too late since their shifts end at nine and this one goes to bed early.” 

“Okay.” Derek responds, deciding not to push further. They make it to his jeep, Derek opening the door to the backseat so Addison could place Lila in her car seat. She was surprised he’d kept it in, but she figured he’d probably placed it after she called to tell him they were visiting.  _ (The truth is that he’d never taken it out, because he’d always secretly hoped they’d be back soon.) _ Once Lila’s secured, Derek steps back and opens the door to the passenger side for Addison. The redhead raises an eyebrow at him before getting in. “What? Am I not allowed to be a gentleman?”

  
“It’s not quite something I expect from you anymore.” Addison mutters under her breath. The comment stings a little, but he brushes it off. He’d hurt her more, after all. She was allowed to take digs at him every now and then, it’s not like he hadn’t done the same  _ before _ . He was just grateful for the fact she let him stick around, even just like this. Maybe they weren’t perfect, and they certainly weren’t Addison-and-Derek anymore, but he wouldn’t exchange Addison-and-Lila-and-Derek for the world.


End file.
